At this point in my year of service, I have only 4.5 months remaining. The weeks seem like they are flying by; my Mondays turn into Wednesdays, and Wednesdays into Sundays, and repeat. It's like life is pressing on the gas pedal, with no desire to let up. One thing that I am having to start to discern now is what I want my next steps to be after this year. Well, I know I am not going to grad school right away, and I am definitely not moving back to grand ol' Elgin IL; so that leaves getting a job. On our (VVC's) mid year retreat in February, we spent a couple hours talking about discerning big life decisions, and how to go about it in a holistic way. Our program director shared the following 3 questions, that she recommended should always be in the back of our mind:
3 Key Questions:
1) what gives you joy?
2) what are you good at?
3) what does the community really need from your talents; does anyone need you to do it?
----> do you have the courage to respond?
Pause and re-read
I think that my headache came from an overwhelming sensation to solidify a decision about my near future RIGHT then, which of course is not going to happen. I have even said multiple times this year that I feel way more relaxed than I did last year at this time, when I was in a similar situation trying to figure out what was happening in my near future, as one chapter of my life was closing. I was on Spring Break- my first time not being on a Pay It Forward tour, and I traveled to Cincinnati; actually because I wanted to get away from MN and the stresses of my senior year. I felt like I had the world on my chest and I had no answers to the questions I was receiving (internally, and externally).
As I look at different jobs now, the three key questions have circulated my mind and what I could potentially be doing in a job in just a few months. Whether it is in NY, MI, Pittsburgh, Chicago; whether it is doing youth leadership development, working as a high school diversity counselor, or participating in grass-roots advocacy work; either way, I know that God will help me discern where and how I need to apply my gifts and talents. Believing that everything will work out, and not getting overwhelmed by questions yet unanswered, I'm sure will help me curb plenty of headaches.
I took the picture below yesterday, when on a walk with one of my housemates. This is the remnants of a bridge that once was, now the canvas for a poetic, and ironic message. I read this and saw it as the DECIDE TODAY attitude which is very anti- what my actual plan is for my next steps. But when reading it as Decide TODAY - I see that as me intentionally focusing my attitude on today, on this moment, and not moving to the next. So here is to the bridges that have yet to be crossed, the headaches that will be relieved, and having the courage to live life with the gas pedal all the way down.
