Use your mind, not your behind!

Good evening wonderful world! I suppose I am so happy because I am writing this enjoying a lovely glass of Cabernet Sauvignon. In my quest for wellness and health, I am dedicating a couple days of the week to be focused on an aspect of my diet. For example, Meat-less Mondays, and now Wine Wednesdays. Yes - thats all I have as of now. Gotta get the most important thing scheduled first, right? I suppose I get that from my mother who enjoys a glass of red wine - for good heart health- every so often. I also have my toughest work day on Thursdays anyway so I guess this is fitting :) 

Anywho- I think that as I start to get more settled here in Cincinnati, I am realizing how truly different it is from any other place I have ever lived. To start, alluding to my first post, we are living in a dilapidated, abandoned, run down side of town. I am seemingly getting more defensive of the West End and our neighbors here because per our discussion in reflection today the poor are often seen as being invisible, and without a voice. I say they are screaming but the peeps up in Washington are wearing ear plugs. I'm really referring to the ridiculous billion dollar cuts that are being made to the SNAP food benefit program nationwide. This is causing families to go from getting 400 in food stamps for 4 people, to getting $50. To make it personal, I will be going from getting 200 to 140- approximately, which is still decent, but still. 

The other part that has been increasingly difficult for me has been living in a place where 95% of population in the city are dedicated Catholics. Which I think is awesome that so many around me are what  I am seeking to be- a person with a strong faith life. But why has this been difficult? Well I feel kind of like people don't understand where I am coming from sometimes because everyone they know, understands life similar to the way they do. Also, growing up in a place where there was only one Catholic co-Ed high school in the area, to trying to understand the culture of an area where you ask someone where they went to school and they say their Catholic private school first--- it has been quite the culture shock. I am in no means out to offend anyone- just sharing how a bit of what my reality is like. Growing up I had lots of friends of Mexican heritage in Elgin who were Catholic, but I never saw it in the way that I do for the folks in Cincinnati. I have been to mass more times this month than I have ever in my whole life. If you are reading this and go to mass regularly, I hope you can understand what it would be like for someone to be completely immersed in Catholic culture after not being around it my whole life. 

So maybe your asking then why did I chose to work for a Catholic organization if I am not Catholic? Well, a few reasons. One- You don't have to be Catholic to work there. A sense of spirituality and calling to our mission would work just fine. And Two- during my senior year there I realized there was just something missing in my life. I had gone to a church service in Minneapolis maybe 3 times over my 4 years of school there. I missed God and praying regularly. I had no regular practice and needed some Jesus back in my life. I figured an intentional year of re-finding my spirituality would be a grand idea.

Small side note: my paternal grandfather (who I never met) was a minister at St. Peter's United Church of Christ in Skokie, IL. That's where my parents were married, my brother and I were baptized, and where we participated in countless (and most times embarrassing) church plays. When it was time for me to get confirmed, driving 45 minutes every Sunday and multiple times of the week to basically Chicago became too much. So we moved out to the amazing and historic First Congregational Church sitting in downtown Elgin on "church hill" - an area where there are a handful of churches in a few blocks radius. St Peter's was is definitely more formal and traditional Protestant style - yet wise and always feels like home and my childhood. FCC is young, lively, progressive and I would also include fun. They are both very different, but equally significant as places of worship and teaching in the timeline of my faith journey. 

Making the conscious decision to do a year of service (one of the best decisions I have made in a long time), and also a year of being intentional about deepening my relationship with God is not an easy feat- but I feel safe and supported, with many ears to go to when I have questions. Like, (as silly as it may sound-and shows how little I knew about the Catholic faith) what is the Eucharist and how is it different than communion? My program director is overly accommodating in making sure I feel included in any group faith setting which I appreciate tons. I am learning different rules of the church like why I am not supposed to accept the Eucharist at mass, and other similar questions. From coming from a history of churches who are all welcoming to anyone who walks through the door - to hearing the things that are not socially acceptable to do as a non-Catholic at mass made me wiggle in my seat a bit (to say the least).  But I can't say I'm a student and lover of inter-cultural communication and one of high-tolerance for people of all walks of life, yet be closed off to understanding the other side of Christianity, right? 

As faith is a deeply personal subject, I decided a few things. I started this blog to be transparent about this year and every part of it- so here it goes: (feel free to challenge anything I say, I am open to any conversation and comment you may throw at me)  

- I am a Child of God. Maybe you believe in a different God than me, or no God at all. Whatever floats your boat. I'm not trying to sway anyone to any one religion at all- but I am learning that faith and hope in SOMETHING is so critical for a balanced and joy filled life. I have chosen to take this year to challenge what I grew up learning about religion and the church, and to question and learn more about the faith that now, literally everyone around me is grounded in. If I do this, and if I am open to being vulnerable, crying when I feel overwhelmed (has happened often), being uncomfortable sometimes, and looking for answers (and being okay with not finding them) - then this year will be worth more than gold to me. For me, just that purpose and intention is enough. 

So there it is. That got deep quick, right?? Time for a wine refill! ;) I have a couple pictures from past fun community nights that I forgot to share before.

This is from the Cubs v Reds game earlier in the month. Demar was able to score us cheap tickets so of any game, this is one we needed to get to. Final score: Cubbies 9, Reds 1. For not being a huge baseball fan, I really did enjoy cheering on my city. 

So Cincinnati has the 3rd largest Oktoberfest IN THE WORLD (other than Germany) with more than 450,000 visitors per year. We had to experience it! Rob was a regular, but this was a first for Demar and I. My beer was gone before we took the picture (oops) but I got cinnamon sugar almonds as a souvenir. 

Now for some food!!

We were given fresh eggs from a coworker, which helped me create this Sunday brunch. Eggs two ways: fried egg with cream cheese and toast (stole from my roommates last year). And scrambled with onion green peppers and fresh parsley (also from a coworker). 

 I've been trying to stay away from pasta. I went a couple weeks away from my carbohydrate-filled lover but went running back to it with a vengeance. This is whole wheat organic spaghetti, sautéed chicken, peppers and onions with a balsamic dressing, asiago cheese and fresh basil. YUMMMMM!

On the subject of health, Demar has taken up training at a boxing gym nearby to get back in shape. He has to run at 1-2 miles per day, and do 100 push-ups and sit-ups per day. Me being a runner, and loving friends to run with, I will tag along when I can, which means I also have to do this crazy push up and sit up routine. I only do 50 a day- but needless to say I am soooore! I'm waiting to get my YMCA membership in so I can get back into a fitness routine.

 

One last thing to share (the story behind the title of this post) one of my clients this week was making me laugh hysterically during our meeting. I will never forget him, and I always smile when I remember our 30 minutes shared together. In my position I serve others, but they serve me just as much. Yes I helped - lets call him "Bob" - with a financial need, but he kept a smile on my face. When working for his nephew, Bob shared that one day he was pausing work for a moment, and his nephew said to him, "use your mind, not your behind!" Bob exclaimed that he didn't understand, and his nephew replied- "what's that you sittin on?------your behind! Use your mind, not your behind!" 

Now I thought this was equally insightful as it was hilarious. So this week, I encourage you to find a place where you may be uncomfortable- and revel in that feeling. Maybe it's trying a new workout, learning a new language, celebrating worship with a friend from a different faith- whatever it is. Be proactive about something you don't understand, go on an adventure and be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Even though this year is challenging spiritually, I am learning so much and growing as a woman, friend, daughter,  person of faith, etc because I welcomed vulnerability and faith back into my life. 

"Bob" inspired me this week, who will you inspire?

With Love,

Mary

Priv·i·lege: being transparent with my identity.

An integral part of Vincentian spirituality is doing house visits for our neighbors who ask for help with rent, utilities, clothing, furniture, etc. All VVC members are working with separate St Vincent de Paul conferences which are run out of Catholic Parishes in the area. I am assigned to the Bellarmine Conference, which is housed on the campus of Xavier University. 

Every Saturday, the Vincentians go out in pairs to homes in the area who have requested our help. I went with a retired Nurse whose nieces go to the U of M (awesome! and rare down here!) to the home of a woman with two teenage daughters, one of whom had a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I knew not to wear anything name brand or showy, so I wore jeans, a gray sweater from Target and TOMS (a birthday gift from my mom). I didn't know I was going into a teen household who would obviously know what TOMS are and before I knew it, both of the girls were marveling at my outfit and my over-priced shoes. I felt absolutely awful. Their mom was telling a story about one of the daughters having to stay with a friend for awhile who was fairly affluent and could afford TOMS shoes- then turned to me and forgave herself if I was offended by that. I just bit my tongue and learned a lesson the hard way. In that moment all the privileges I have been given over the years came rushing back and I will never wear anything like that on a home visit again. I sent a prayer out to that family Sunday night and I know that because of that moment, and other memorable moments from that home visit, I will never forget the faces of that incredibly strong family of young women.

This memory came after a conversation that Demar, Rob and I had about privilege, and our understandings of it. We also talked a lot about identity and our heritage and different trials in our life that have contributed to who we are today. Demar and I both shared about how our skin tone led our high school peers to make similar comments about us "trying to be white" because of how we spoke, our academic pursuits, or how we dressed. Rob shared about how his 90% German background is a strong influence in his life. This led directly into a conversation about white privilege.

The first conversation that I had about what privilege is and where it exists was in a 1000 level Gender, Womens, and Sexuality Studies class my first semester of college. It was one of the hardest classes I have ever taken - but also one of the most enlightening. Proud to say it brought out a bit of a feminist in me as well. Learning about white privilege for the first time made me feel - kind of naive. When exploring it deeper and learning about intersectionality (where race, class, gender, sexual orientation, etc all combine) I was enlightened to delve deeper into my identity and where I fit in. 

Do I have privilege? Yes -I was raised middle class, my parents own the house I grew up in, and I had food on my plate and a shelter over my head every night. Where there moments of hardship along the way? Most definitely yes. But I am learning now that comparison does us no good. Comparing myself and what I have to what the neighbors we are serving have is counter-intuitive. Instead I can be grateful for what I have, recognize that they are grateful for what they  have even if it is not "a lot" by 'Middle Class' terminology.  I was able to go to swim classes and be on multiple sports teams- if I wanted something for Christmas I most likely got it. But my brother and I were taught to live with gratitude, and to not shove what we were incredibly fortunate to have in others faces.  

The other side of privilege is the one that is directly related to race. And white privilege was hard for me to accept right from the jump. I wasn't sure if I qualified as having white privilege, or what that meant if I did... For those who don't know, my father is German and English, and my mother is Dutch, African American and Native American. So that makes me...what percent of a pie chart Black? But since I am extra-light, do I have more privilege in some places than others? These are intense questions that honestly take more than this blog post to address. But I have come to terms that I can be all the parts of my heritage, all at once, and it can mean whatever I want it to. (**Good book to read: Who's Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now by Touré.**)  But I do have to recognize that because I have a lighter skin tone, I will have more privilege than those who are darker me. This is a fact and has been going on in this country and others for hundreds of years. The struggle that I used to have was as I tried to find my place in any culture- be it black, white, Mexican, whoever would be my friend - I wasn't being my authentic self if I wasn't honoring ALL of my European piece, ALL of my Native piece, and ALL of my Black piece. I say pieces because even though one side of my family may be one thing, and the other side is the opposite, they are all pieces of me that work together in a beautiful little puzzle.  It took time, conversations, and going to the Critical Mixed Race Studies conference at DePaul University that made me appreciate the racially mixed puzzle that my parents created.

In light of this post full of my heritage, here is a picture of me as a baby, with my mother in the middle with Big Bird, and my fathers side of the family (the "piece" I mainly grew up with). 

Oh the 90's.... :)

Me at 2 maybe?

My little fam this May at the U of M's Multicultural Center's Celebration of Achievement for 2013 graduates

As challenging as this past work week was - getting frustrated when I can't help more people, or when someone needs bus tokens but have used them all up; or not being able to contact a landlord to get help for a tenant - whatever it was last week, every day I have to realize how blessed I am. As we learn to live simply and to appreciate the little things in life I am finding that behind all the BS that happens in our daily lives, is a beautiful simplistic sense of peace. What is it like to live on $100 a month? Well it's not easy, but where am I so blessed that the money doesn't matter? In the gratitude of the woman whose home I visited, in the relationships I am creating with Rob and Demar in our home, and in the relationship I am recreating with God. 

On that note, I would like to share the covenant, the promise that the 3 of us have committed ourselves to for this year:

VVC Community Covenant '13-'14

We covenant to:

be neighbors 

~~to ourselves and those we encounter~~

be compassionate and loving

~~patient, non-judgmental and with genuine concern~~

be community

~~communicate, commit, be honest~~

live the questions

~~to have the audacity and courage to not always know the answers~~

exploring the challenge of growing spiritually

~~learning to appreciate differences in tradition, tied to same intention~~ 

Next post I might have videos of some of the free shenanigans we are getting ourselves into! I hope everyone who reads this takes a moment to recognize your blessings, and be grateful for what you do have.

And remember:

You is kind, You is smart, You is important.


Namaste,
Mary

Comm Studies Nerd to Social Worker on Food Stamps

I apologize for not having written in a while! Now that I have gotten more into  what full-time job hours will feel like (for me it has been crashing on our couch for an hour immediately after getting home) for the rest of these 11 months. Yowza. Sooooo an update:

WORK:

I am a client advocate!

Well that is my official title over at SVDP (St. Vincent de Paul). And to be quite honest with you, I am pretty damn proud of it. There are 5 different departments housed at the Bank Street office: Development, Mission Integration (service learning/retreats, etc), Food Pantry, Charitable Pharmacy, and the best one of all: Social Services. In my position as a client advocate I work directly with individuals who come into our walk-in hours twice a week, and during scheduled rent and utility assistance appointments (among with many other things). Every week our neighbors who need help with their Duke Energy bill or are having trouble meeting their monthly rent payments for any reason in the entire world can apply for our assistance. Part of why I was so busy during my first week of work last week was simply because I was sorting through the couple hundred applications we receive from individuals applying online and in person. Of those, we can only help a couple handfuls for rent as well as utilities. As a client advocate I am the direct line between landlords, their tenants, and us at SVDP trying to get money to people who need it. I will say too that some of the vignettes we read from the people disclosing why they need help is definitely tear jerking, heart breaking, and even sometimes frustrating that we can't help more. But I have to remember to be thankful of the help we can give and keep staying strong and true to our mission. 

We are not just a social services organization.

As my supervisor - Bob, likes to tell me. And we most definitely are not. There is sincere, spiritual integrity in everything that we do. Everyone who works there is a genuinely good person. Most are absolutely hilarious - and the average age is probably around 50. It is also very interesting to be in a non-profit community serving agency where women are the minority. It definitely makes it fun. But on days like this week when Chicago sports face Cincinnati sports (and win), I get some grumbles from the old dudes who are die-hard Reds or Bengals fans. I welcome them with a smile :D

  And for those who may have been wondering (or have asked me)- no, not everyone is Catholic who works there. And you don't have to be. In the mornings all of the staff have an option to meet in the small chapel, coffee cup-clad, to focus our selves and be mindful about bringing God into our work during the day. I am seeing that for Rob, Demar, and myself this is essential. If we go by everyday thinking, "I love my job just because I love my job", the fact that we are making $0.63 per hour will start getting to our head. I have found so much energy and light in meeting the people who humbly come to us for help. I feel like I make $20 per hour just by having the opportunity to hear their stories and be in the presence of their spirits. Of the 40 or so individuals I have met with personally over the past week and today, I would say only about 5 of them didn't have a smile on their face. I would say that is something to praise about!

FEEDING MY CREATIVITY THROUGH...MY STOMACH:

As an previous musician, dancer, poet (still am)... I have found that if I don't find some way to feed my appetite for creativity I feel suppressed and unhappy. So around my sophomore year when I got out of the dorms and into apartment-living I started to use cooking as a creative outlet. I would experiment and throw stuff together until I found something so unique and delicious. When I started going on Weight Watchers I discovered hundreds of tasty and healthy recipes that I often go back to now (and color outside of the lines a bit too). 

Living in an intentional community means cooking, eating, making decisions, delegating tasks -  all family style. It has been... interesting combining likes, dislikes, allergies, preferences together into meals that all of us want to gobble up. Before our SNAP food benefits kick in (formerly called food stamps) we have been given a Kroger gift card to use sparingly, as to mirror what simplistic eating will be like on food stamps. 

NOTE: ** For our mothers, when that does happen, we will still be eating good healthy food. Promise ;)

We are finding that combining canned food with fresh, and a protein from the freezer will leave us in a great spot for extending the life of our already bad-ass pantry. I know I am looking forward to making ribs in the Crockpot for our community dinner  this Wednesday, and topping it with a Cincinnati favorite - Montgomery Inn BBQ sauce. If you visit here, try it. You won't regret it! 

Here are a couple meals that we made last week that I (and my stomach) found  particularly blog-worthy:

(Taken from my IPhone 4S...sorry it's not a Nikon or Canon like a real blogger)

• Chicken marinated in Montgomery Inn sauce and Kraft Creamy Balsamic "Anything" sauce- it was mouth watering believe it or not.
• A favorite salad of mine: Arugula, white bean, and roasted red peppers. We didn't have some of those ingredients so we used what we did have. Simple, and SO tasty. Please try and share: http://www.weightwatchers.com/food/rcp/RecipePage.aspx?recipeId=335891
• A cup of good ol' frozen broccoli with garlic, and S&P.

• Baked salmon seasoned with Emeril's Essence, olive oil,  lemon juice, and S&P
• Side dip: Shredded chicken, creamed corn, black beans, and green peppers.  Random - yes, but it was so tasty. It was just a bowl full of leftovers that happened to taste really delicious together.  

HOW TO SURVIVE ZINZINNATI...WITH NO CAR:

Over the weekend I rode my newly tricked-out hybrid bike to a YMCA to apply for their "Membership for all" program, and to check out a yoga studio nearby. After turning out of our quiet vicinity in the West End, I was immediately reminded how compassionate MPLS is to their street-bikers. Here, there are no bike lanes, hardly any bike racks, and people stare at you like you are Shaq juggling cats. I wanted to throw my fist up in solidarity with all the other urban street bikers in the world, but then realized that someone would just see it as a signal for me turning right or left. Mission failed. Oh well. 

In 1910 Mark Twain was quoted: "When the world ends I want to be in Cincinnati, because its always twenty years behind the times." Well, bike lanes may possibly come in 15, bike racks- ehhh - I give it 10. But biker-friendly drivers, probably never. So I will keep my biking pride in my pocket. 

 I have also just started my job search for what's coming next in 2014. So if anyone has any cool jobs for a young professional any where in the world I would love to connect with you!

Oh and here's a very cheesy pic of us enjoying a Cincinnati tradition on Fountain Square- Graeter's ice cream. I tried the Black Raspberry Chip, but Demar's Mango sorbet was equally as delicious. (Demar - left, Me, Rob)

Until Shaq juggles cats,

Mary