Priv·i·lege: being transparent with my identity.

An integral part of Vincentian spirituality is doing house visits for our neighbors who ask for help with rent, utilities, clothing, furniture, etc. All VVC members are working with separate St Vincent de Paul conferences which are run out of Catholic Parishes in the area. I am assigned to the Bellarmine Conference, which is housed on the campus of Xavier University. 

Every Saturday, the Vincentians go out in pairs to homes in the area who have requested our help. I went with a retired Nurse whose nieces go to the U of M (awesome! and rare down here!) to the home of a woman with two teenage daughters, one of whom had a beautiful 2 year old daughter. I knew not to wear anything name brand or showy, so I wore jeans, a gray sweater from Target and TOMS (a birthday gift from my mom). I didn't know I was going into a teen household who would obviously know what TOMS are and before I knew it, both of the girls were marveling at my outfit and my over-priced shoes. I felt absolutely awful. Their mom was telling a story about one of the daughters having to stay with a friend for awhile who was fairly affluent and could afford TOMS shoes- then turned to me and forgave herself if I was offended by that. I just bit my tongue and learned a lesson the hard way. In that moment all the privileges I have been given over the years came rushing back and I will never wear anything like that on a home visit again. I sent a prayer out to that family Sunday night and I know that because of that moment, and other memorable moments from that home visit, I will never forget the faces of that incredibly strong family of young women.

This memory came after a conversation that Demar, Rob and I had about privilege, and our understandings of it. We also talked a lot about identity and our heritage and different trials in our life that have contributed to who we are today. Demar and I both shared about how our skin tone led our high school peers to make similar comments about us "trying to be white" because of how we spoke, our academic pursuits, or how we dressed. Rob shared about how his 90% German background is a strong influence in his life. This led directly into a conversation about white privilege.

The first conversation that I had about what privilege is and where it exists was in a 1000 level Gender, Womens, and Sexuality Studies class my first semester of college. It was one of the hardest classes I have ever taken - but also one of the most enlightening. Proud to say it brought out a bit of a feminist in me as well. Learning about white privilege for the first time made me feel - kind of naive. When exploring it deeper and learning about intersectionality (where race, class, gender, sexual orientation, etc all combine) I was enlightened to delve deeper into my identity and where I fit in. 

Do I have privilege? Yes -I was raised middle class, my parents own the house I grew up in, and I had food on my plate and a shelter over my head every night. Where there moments of hardship along the way? Most definitely yes. But I am learning now that comparison does us no good. Comparing myself and what I have to what the neighbors we are serving have is counter-intuitive. Instead I can be grateful for what I have, recognize that they are grateful for what they  have even if it is not "a lot" by 'Middle Class' terminology.  I was able to go to swim classes and be on multiple sports teams- if I wanted something for Christmas I most likely got it. But my brother and I were taught to live with gratitude, and to not shove what we were incredibly fortunate to have in others faces.  

The other side of privilege is the one that is directly related to race. And white privilege was hard for me to accept right from the jump. I wasn't sure if I qualified as having white privilege, or what that meant if I did... For those who don't know, my father is German and English, and my mother is Dutch, African American and Native American. So that makes me...what percent of a pie chart Black? But since I am extra-light, do I have more privilege in some places than others? These are intense questions that honestly take more than this blog post to address. But I have come to terms that I can be all the parts of my heritage, all at once, and it can mean whatever I want it to. (**Good book to read: Who's Afraid of Post-Blackness? What It Means to Be Black Now by Touré.**)  But I do have to recognize that because I have a lighter skin tone, I will have more privilege than those who are darker me. This is a fact and has been going on in this country and others for hundreds of years. The struggle that I used to have was as I tried to find my place in any culture- be it black, white, Mexican, whoever would be my friend - I wasn't being my authentic self if I wasn't honoring ALL of my European piece, ALL of my Native piece, and ALL of my Black piece. I say pieces because even though one side of my family may be one thing, and the other side is the opposite, they are all pieces of me that work together in a beautiful little puzzle.  It took time, conversations, and going to the Critical Mixed Race Studies conference at DePaul University that made me appreciate the racially mixed puzzle that my parents created.

In light of this post full of my heritage, here is a picture of me as a baby, with my mother in the middle with Big Bird, and my fathers side of the family (the "piece" I mainly grew up with). 

Oh the 90's.... :)

Me at 2 maybe?

My little fam this May at the U of M's Multicultural Center's Celebration of Achievement for 2013 graduates

As challenging as this past work week was - getting frustrated when I can't help more people, or when someone needs bus tokens but have used them all up; or not being able to contact a landlord to get help for a tenant - whatever it was last week, every day I have to realize how blessed I am. As we learn to live simply and to appreciate the little things in life I am finding that behind all the BS that happens in our daily lives, is a beautiful simplistic sense of peace. What is it like to live on $100 a month? Well it's not easy, but where am I so blessed that the money doesn't matter? In the gratitude of the woman whose home I visited, in the relationships I am creating with Rob and Demar in our home, and in the relationship I am recreating with God. 

On that note, I would like to share the covenant, the promise that the 3 of us have committed ourselves to for this year:

VVC Community Covenant '13-'14

We covenant to:

be neighbors 

~~to ourselves and those we encounter~~

be compassionate and loving

~~patient, non-judgmental and with genuine concern~~

be community

~~communicate, commit, be honest~~

live the questions

~~to have the audacity and courage to not always know the answers~~

exploring the challenge of growing spiritually

~~learning to appreciate differences in tradition, tied to same intention~~ 

Next post I might have videos of some of the free shenanigans we are getting ourselves into! I hope everyone who reads this takes a moment to recognize your blessings, and be grateful for what you do have.

And remember:

You is kind, You is smart, You is important.


Namaste,
Mary